I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YAS. BRING CRAB.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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