I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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