i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
