She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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