I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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