Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
