You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
