Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
false alarm, still single
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