yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry about my life...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
