he wants to bone in the snuggie
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
