Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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