just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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