spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
