remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
