dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
