Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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