Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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