well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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