What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
