If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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