she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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