his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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