he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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