Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I AM VODKA MAN
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
