My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
