you guys were way drunker than both of me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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