First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize