Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
