But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sarcasm needs its own font
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize