I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
