You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
