I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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