...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
