I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
