he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
