I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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