i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
