I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
