i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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