Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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