we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
