i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
