Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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