mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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