Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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