You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
