I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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