Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
