Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
