Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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