I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
