who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you win again, gameday.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She even gives head with a lisp.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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