1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
