I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
