And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
