I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
