Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
